| Pre-graduation sentimental mode |
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| 10:24am 27/09/2005 |
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The Best 6 I've Ever Had
On october 1,
i bid the student label farewell
i'm putting on a new suit
i think it's called
"the work-life adulthood" |
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| a big, greek question |
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| 06:50pm 10/07/2005 |
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when the greeks are faced with a man's death, the first question they ask about his life is whether he had passion or not. before i even reach my death bed, circumstances (or at least my natural leanings to constantly challenge the world) led me to ask myself a similarly perplexing question about my life that was rather the total opposite of this: "where was my passion?"
i realized just this past few days that having many desires to accomplish goals and dreams are not enough to keep me waking up each day all jubilant and enthusiastic to take on the world. i've tried to have my defined plans deeply wired into my daily lifestyle so that i can easily pinpoint the decisions i need to make. yet, as i have come to see the full effect of purely cognitive processes taking over my life, i felt and saw the subtle hollowness it transpired to.
i used to be marked as the over-emotional guy who listens more to his heart than his mind. which then slowly became my ultimate downfall as it caused me to make irrational and unjustified choices most of the time. being blown to scattered pieces by my mistakes, i made it my resolution to override this pattern with a mind-controlled living. correcting this amiss area of my life meant to do or say things with a more cerebral, analytical and cautious approach. denying all poignant emotions or feelings insusceptible to any understanding was my key to successful decision-making (as i personally define).
but after some time of mental control, not discounting my spiritual and faith implications of course, i felt so routinary, so bland, so status quo and generic. like i was the rest of the busy world which didn't take time to stop and notice the blue skies and green trees. now that i've seen these extremities thanks to this pendulum life of mine, i have come to a conclusion that man need not separate his mind from his heart. he just needs to find a striking balance. since God created us with both the brain the heart being a central life switch, we cannot live a life exclusive of one or the other.
what is more interesting to note on yet another one of my life's monumental swings is that passion is an intertwined fabrication of tenacious thinking and strong emotions.it is no wonder why the greeks asked upon a man's death if he had passion. they wanted to make sure he made the rightful and rational decisions propelled by his emotional drive. as i see this picture, it is truly passion alone that will keep man trying to live above his weaknesses- his passion for life, God and his destiny. having passion means having control of not just your mind nor your heart alone, but managing its powerful cohesion.
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"i only want to live if i can find somebody to die for" |
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| a new look |
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| 06:50pm 19/06/2005 |
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made some adjustments to my lj.
the work craze is stressing me out.
i just needed to get my mind off the hardcore blah blahs blahs of ojt |
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| Messages |
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| 10:01pm 13/06/2005 |
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DSL baby!!! yeah...got our DSL yesterday and our pc fixed today. hoohaa!!! todo on-line na to! i'm just psyched, but i'm too lazy to email so here goes some messages:
gio and mark: how are you guys doing? long time no see huh? see how far i'm going just to reach you guys. hehe.
rina: sorry, i don't know anyone from lifehouse :0) why? you're into church dudes now?
frances: 2005 first quarter GQ magazines????? you are an angel.i've been saving up so i couldn't buy any. when's paul flying in anyway? i will try to look for a guitar...what's your budget?
jay: text me dude..at least before you leave for cebu.
cheng: if only i can extend...man! i'm gonna miss college. btw, your user pic does not look like you at all.
joe my bro: get yourself ready for LSGH bro!!!! |
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| 06:45pm 12/06/2005 |
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i was at my blockmate's 21st bday last night. after summer and weeks of ojt, it was great to see those guys again. the party was the best so far. i mean i've been to numerous bar and house parties, but i guess last night was one of the simplest, yet the most memorable. i think it was because i missed those guys so much. hanging out again and singing to "ever after" while toasting to yuppy-hood is climbing the charts of my best college times list.
i have 3 months before i officially bid farewell to student life. what a setimental sigh. i miss college already.
anyway...i just had to post the lyrics of last night's most popular song
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Ever After (Eric's Beach Mix)
by Bonnie Bailey
Three years ago my journey began
Chasin down this cure no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark
Just no wind with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of bein cocky
Yet I fell for all your imperfections
Now its slightly weathered, its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I believe in ever after with you
Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like were floating when the rest of them climb
You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful, twisted sunshine
Emotions: volcanic eruptions
We both took care so were still alive
Tunnel vision . . . determination
I want you, I want to make it right
Now its slightly weathered its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I believe in ever after with you
You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine |
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| it's all a choice |
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| 10:49am 07/05/2005 |
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life is a super-sized soap opera.
drama.drama.drama.
soap opera conflicts, though mirroring the most pervasive human-driven situations,
all boil down to one simple word: choice
if this character made a different choice, another tangled-web-like story wouldn't start
popping out of the show.
nothing new to talk about for bored, couch potato soap fanatics every morning along the hallways
of school or the office.
mistakes. achievements. success. failures.
it's all a choice.
life can suffice to anything less than expected or be another self-dug hole. it can be fair or unfair.
the erratic nature of life's changes and inconsistencies is here to stay. and for everyone that is. life does not
choose who gets the best or worst of this world. but we definitely can.
what will make all the difference are the choices we make.
we can swallow all the pain and agony, be bitter about life, hate tomorrow or be willingly reluctant to open up
to the possibilities of living better.
or we can just try...
try to choose wiser
try to live free of anxiety
try to expect more from life
try to love more
try to be honest about our thoughts and feelings
try to reach out more
try to be less selfish
try to be MORE
the good thing is, we do have someone who does offer more.
He offers the best of life. a life that's not necessarily storm-less, but definitely storm-proof
the only thing left for us?
...choice
living this kind of life is a choice we have to make on our own.
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Try by Nelly Furtado
All I know
Is everything is not as it's so
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try
All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love |
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| music music music |
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| 10:50pm 23/04/2005 |
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got some new cd's:
1.the postal service-give up
2.snow patrol- final straw
3.the killers- hot fuss
4.interpol-antics
5.ambulance-LTD
6.wilco-a ghost is born
7.bloc party-silent alarm
8.tahiti 80- fosbury
9.sufjan stevens- 7 swans
oh how i love music.
i think i will be busy this summer |
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| .... |
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| 02:20pm 18/04/2005 |
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how does it feel when someone you've been running after suddenly bails out on you?
you've been there all along, pursuasively and incessantly fighting for and with the person, and slowly, the person decides to slip away...
..i guess at one point, you just have to let that person go...let her decide what she wants for herself |
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| sappy |
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| 08:49am 03/04/2005 |
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my brother joe brought home the complete first season of the oc last week. being the anti-bopper-soap that i was, i was like, "ugh...joe...what's with the dvd's?"
and then..BAM!!!
i started watching it..
and now...i hate to say it, i'm hooked!!
i didn't see this coming. i feel so sappy about this. i almost got teary eyed when the group fell apart during the season ender. man...what's happening to me? i need some manly affirmation here!!!
one of my friends said that people who get "too involved" with soaps find their lives too boring to delve into so they look for "other lives" to find amusement in.
err...
this makes me flip.
is my life "boring"? or do i just envy the troublesome lives of the newport teens? hmmm...
gotta stop this sappy stuff and get back to work!!!! i have final papers, exams, and oral tests.
argh. can't believe i went this far with that show. now, i can publicly despise myself. |
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| work work work |
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| 10:52am 25/03/2005 |
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nothing to do but work
i am so looking forward to my summer
waking up pointlessly in the morning
no alarm clocks, so fixed schedules
walking around the house
doing nothing
o the beauty of nothingness
i miss it |
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| thorns...one by one |
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| 03:28am 15/03/2005 |
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isa-isa nang tinatanggal ang tinik sa katawan ko. parang ganito ang aking pakiramdam sa mga natatapos ko na requirement sa school. hindi na ako nakakatulog, nakaka-basa ng magazines, nakakalabas pag gabi, at mas importante, hindi na ko nakakapag-church activities. eh hindi ko na nga namemeet leadership group ko eh. (rick and mark patawad talaga).
bangag na ko!
sabog sa kakatrabaho
tumataba sa puro kain and puyat nalang
at syempre, napapagod ng husto
hay naku.
ang sarap magtagalog. nakaka-liberate. haha. |
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| elated |
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| 09:45am 02/02/2005 |
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life's distorted reality sometimes blinds us from its truest beauty. we are consumed by the everyday worries, doubts and anxieties that we don't see the glory of each passing moment's treasures.
i have done a lot of thinking lately and finally came to this point where i promised myself to see things in a different way.
i realized that the perversion and corruption in this world have come forth from battered mindsets, crooked beliefs and unstable principles. the only way to swim against these strong tides is countering it with optimism grounded in Faith.
this way, i don't miss out on the real essence of anything. from the simplest deed such as smiling at frustrations to complex and deep convictions such as being compassionate towards people, i am slowly seeing the value of opening my eyes to God's perspective.
seeing the world from His standpoint certainly changes my every thought, emotion, and action. for that, i am elated. |
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| prideful me |
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| 05:25pm 12/11/2004 |
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someone once told me that my pride would someday get me off-guard.
it did.
lately,my self-proclaimed compliments and self-made mindsets have been shaken to the core. i've realized that my pride was blinding me from the reality that i wasn't as "great" as i thought i was.
i was too succumbed to all the glitz my positions, achievements, reputations, and knowledge brought on me that i didn't see my flaws.
and now, faced with my graduation and the fierce industry competition, i feel so "little" in a big world.
one of the major hits was my branding paper grade of 1.75- lowest 10% of the class. i thought i got in this "top 25 marketing students" training thing because i had all i needed.
turns out, i'm nothing but a 1.75
humbling? check. life-turning? definitely.
i am learning so much from my mistakes. now, i always have to remind myself that i'm not "there yet"
another someone once said that confidence shouldn't be your success factor, rather let success be your confidence factor.
true?
maybe so. |
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mistah_jay's journal
